


All I Ask

by real_phy



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Broken Promises, Crying, M/M, Markjin, Pining, Unrequited Love, this is seriously messed up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 02:16:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/real_phy/pseuds/real_phy
Summary: “If this is my last night with you.”“Please hold me.”“Like I’m more than a friend.”Life was supposed to be easy. Just like what they said. It should be similar to a book. With all the pages written in detailed context on how each and every day should go. It’s like everything’s planned. From the day you were born to the day you die. How precise you can die, how precise your death was all planned out. It’s sometimes ironic to say at least. What is the purpose of living if we’ll all still die anyway? It’s like we’re being fed some taste of living but that’s it, nothing more, just an appetizer to a beautiful life ahead. Sadly, that’s the furthest you can go.





	All I Ask

**Author's Note:**

> Before we dive in to the feels zone, kindly tune into John Saga's cover for All I Ask by Adele. I also want to thank my Jinyoung for inspiring me to write this fanfic. I love you Jinyoungie! I'm finally a good boy and did something productive.

   “If this is my last night with you."   
“Please hold me.”  
                              “Like I’m more than a friend.”

Life was supposed to be easy. Just like what they said. It should be similar to a book. With all the pages written in detailed context on how each and every day should go. It’s like everything’s planned. From the day you were born to the day you die. How precise you can die, how precise your death was all planned out. It’s sometimes ironic to say at least. What is the purpose of living if we’ll all still die anyway? It’s like we’re being fed some taste of living but that’s it, nothing more, just an appetizer to a beautiful life ahead. Sadly, that’s the furthest you can go.

It’s similar to what they say when everything feels just right, everything feels as if it’s made to be perfect, but when it’s the time that everything starts to feel amazing, right and oh so wonderful, it’s robbed off just like that. If only there was a warning signal to every human that getting attached to them first, even being platonically, it will develop into a longing. It will develop into a desperate unrequited love that someone would yearn it’ll be returned. A warning signal that we should have never met them in the very first place, and Mark, should have known.

 _May 4, 2017_  
  
“Mark! Look at that one!”  
  
Everything was hazy for a while. It felt like you’d go numb for a millisecond until your soul would zap back into your body and you’d be left shocked.  
  
“Hey Mark? You okay there?” Jinyoung waved his hand in front of the elder who is currently staring at him like he’s the most beautiful gem in the world.  
  
“Ah. Yeah. Sorry. Was I staring?” Mark asked, pointing his index finger to himself.  
  
“Yeah, I freaked out for a while though.” Jinyoung laughed, without covering his mouth and Mark swore, if only he could take a photo of it, he would. Mark could only emit a chuckle out of his embarrassment though.  
  
“Now where were we. Oh! Right! It’s that star. It’s the biggest one and brightest one so far.” Jinyoung told him, nudging him by his shoulder as he placed his index finger and thumb on Mark’s chin to tilt his head to the dark starry night. “Woah.” Was all Mark could say. Honestly, even a normal person could say he was faking that expression because what he was here for wasn’t really the fact that they’re stargazing and fighting to point out the biggest star.  
  
“That sounds so fake, Mark, stop.” Jinyoung scoffed at him, playfully shoving Mark in his peaceful sitting position and Mark indeed rolled on the grass, laughing softly.  
  
What he didn’t expected was Jinyoung would laugh back at him though. If staring was considered a crime, Mark would be one hell of a criminal.  
  
He just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help staring at Jinyoung’s eyes. The way his eyes crinkle and when it fades, it leaves a beautiful view of deep brown orbs and Mark is smitten, he’s fucking smitten just by seeing his best friend laugh.  
  
“Mark, you’re dazing off again.”  
  
“That’s hyung for you.”  
  
With that night, they shared comfortable conversations about anything really. How Jinyoung scowled at Mark for sleeping in his bed with a dog and Jinyoung gave him an hour worth of lecture not to put the dog on the bed because it’s highly unhygienic and all, but Mark wasn’t listening to any of that bullshit really. He was far too lost in Jinyoung’s eyes to decipher the words coming out from his mouth.

 _May 13, 2017_  
  
And if Mark only realize, that beforehand, he was also a puppet to this earth. Anytime, his life ready to be taken away from him, anytime, anywhere and specifically in unknown ways. He should have held onto Jinyoung’s hand that night. Tell him how he truly feels. Tell him how much he needs him to give him strength to fight for his current problem  
  
Which is why Mark ended up on Jinyoung’s doorstep. A small smile greeting him as Jinyoung’s oh so sweet mother opened the door for him. Yet, Mark waved off the offer, instead, he gave the elder woman a polite smile, kindly explaining that he just needs to talk some matters with Jinyoung.  
  
But then, he sees Jinyoung trailing off from upstairs with a huge ass luggage and Mark had to squint his eyes to believe if it was real or bluff.  
  
“Oh look, who’s here.” Jinyoung beamed at him, a luggage in his hand as he stormed towards Mark’s direction.  
“Jinyoung! I need to talk to you, right now, as in right now.” Mark was pleading, honestly, his eyes desperate just to talk to his best friend.  
  
“I was about to go to your apartment though, to tell you that I’ll be heading to Canada in a few hours. It was urgent so yeah.” Jinyoung gave him a sheepish smile as his hand reached out to close the door knob.  
  
Mark found his soul departing to his body, though. With heavy clenching heart, Mark turned towards Jinyoung and asked. “For how long?”  
  
“For 2 months.” With that, Mark calculated the days, the number of hours, how much time he’s left to spend with him.  
“Are you sure you’re gonna be back in 2 months?” Mark asked, his tone serious and if voice could kill, Jinyoung was probably bleeding right now.  
  
“Yeah, why?” It was Jinyoung’s turn to face the elder, curiosity dripping in his voice with every syllable. “I’ll tell you when you come back here then.” Mark forced a smile. Well, I don’t want to burden you while you’re working. Mark thought to himself before Jinyoung gave him a pat to his head.  
  
“Be a good boy, hyung.” Jinyoung laughed, which earned him a smack from the smaller guy.  
  
“Shut up. I’m supposed to be the one telling you that.” Mark retorted and as sad as it might sound. Mark wasn’t aware that everything he built up with Jinyoung for 4 years, was gone to a waste. He let him go, and it literally has 2 different meanings. Mark allowed Jinyoung to go to his travel without telling him the reason why he exactly needs Jinyoung to be back for exactly 2 months. Secondly, he let Jinyoung go because it should have been the only day he was finally able to confess his feelings for the younger. To confess to Jinyoung how much he wanted to be in his arms, how much he wanted to give him the kisses he’s been dreaming off for years now. How much he wanted to share his final moments with Jinyoung because he was slowly dying.  
  
  
  
  
_Literally._

  
_May 12, 2017_  
  
“Mark. Are you okay?” Youngjae’s concerned voice could be heard but it was too hazy and Mark was having a hard time biting through his bottom lip as he clutched desperately on his shirt, the pain in his stomach never ceasing.

  
“Guys! Call 911! Mark’s losing it.” Youngjae shouted through the office. Alarming the other workers as they rushed off to call the emergency services and Youngjae, Mark’s fellow worker was currently clutching onto Mark’s free hand.  
  
“Hey Mark. Hang in there. Shit you’re turning pale.” Youngjae cursed and that was the last thing Mark heard before he completely blacked out.

 

Waking up in a hospital room was a completely different feeling though and Mark just wants to scream. To tell them he’s fine. He doesn’t need medication because he was doing fine. He’s not sick, and most importantly he’s not a person who gets sick often. So when Mark opened his eyes to the sight of his worried father, frowning as if he’s having an argument to the doctor. His mother bawling his eyes out, hands laced in a pleading manner and Mark heard it.

  
“I’m sorry. Mr. Tuan. It was severe and if only he’d been taking medications for this it shouldn’t have to be in this place. Mark can barely survive 5 months and the longest we could assume is 3 months. I’m sincerely sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Tuan.”  
With that, the doctor left and Mark’s father was close to punching the glass window to his room and Mark even worried they’ll have to pay more for destruction of property.

  
On the same day, he ended up on a situation where his mother was sat next to him, chin pressed onto the mattress of the hospital bed as she clutched tightly onto Mark’s hand. Also on the very same day, Mark discovered that well, he indeed had a pancreatic cancer and the doctors are even shock why he’s still breathing by now. All it took was Mark’s decision to stay at the hospital for treatment just for him to reach 5 months, or barely 3 months.

  
Mark took the latter though. What do you have to do within the 5 months though? Which was why Mark found himself on the doorstep of Jinyoung’s house the very next day.

 

_May 13, 2017_

  
If one would describe what Mark looks like right now, he’s similar to that kind of human who looks like they’re waiting for something. Mark was similar to like that. The only difference is after Jinyoung’s departure. Mark stayed sitting on Jinyoung’s house doorsteps. He was really holding onto Jinyoung’s words that he’ll return by 2 months and Mark told himself to stay strong. To last for 2 months just to tell Jinyoung everything and if Jinyoung was willing to marry a dying person then so be it.

 

_July 12, 2017_

  
The sizzle of meat was heard throughout the entire apartment as Mark prepared for tomorrow’s events because Jinyoung promised, he’s gonna be back in exactly 2 months. He was currently busy perfecting the sauce to the salad just how he remembered Jinyoung likes it.

  
He was interrupted with a call to his phone though. Mark’s head whipped to the said device as a wide smile on his chapped lips spread. As fast as he could, he wiped his hands onto the drying towel as he scurried to rush answering Jinyoung’s call.  
Mark expected to hear comfortable silence and Jinyoung’s voice in the background though but it was the latter. There were a chatter of people, music booming through the phone that Mark had to put the phone a bit further from his ear to avoid hearing damage.

  
“Mark! It’s Jinyoung!” Came Jinyoung’s voice and he’s slurring his words, Mark kind of predicted Jinyoung was drunk or something.

  
“Jinyoung are you at a bar? Answer me.” Mark’s demeanor completely changed from the good, cheerful vibe to a completely dangerous venom.

  
“A bar?” Jinyoung scoffed at him.

  
“When did a wedding proposal ever be considered as a bar?” Mark could hear Jinyoung grinning and Mark’s heart stopped for a full beat and he had to tell Jinyoung that he almost dropped his phone because his hand was slippery /not/.

  
“Great? Whose engangement?” Mark tried to sound calm, even though his grip on the couch was tight, as if it’s the only thing keeping him upright.

  
“Jaebum proposed to me! Remember that dude?”

 

 

_Oh._

  
Mark could hear it clearly though, how his heart dropped onto the ground, shattering into various glass shards onto the floor and his knees weaken, successfully making him thump on the floor, knees close to his chest as he leaned onto the back of the couch, stomach dropping in various ways.

  
“Mark, are you still there?” Jinyoung’s voice boomed again throughout the apartment and Mark never felt this lost.

  
“I uh- I’m still here.Sorry. That’s great though! Awesome, man.” Mark swore he heard his own voice break but it’s the least to care anyway.

  
Of course, it has to be Im Jaebum. The handsome co-worker of Jinyoung and his. The one who dresses up like he’s the owner of the company but well he’s the manager so what’s the difference?

  
The one who socializes really well to the other workers. The one who makes people smile and laugh just with a simple gag. The one who makes people feel happy. The one who’s everything Mark is not.

  
Pity. Opposites attract.

  
Was he really the same with Jinyoung? Sure, Mark could say that Jinyoung and him are both quiet. Both book nerds, both nerds about the same things and shares the same comfort. With that he realized. He was really just the best friend because he wasn’t completely opposite to Jinyoung. In fact, they’re similar, if only they have the same face, Mark would even be called as Jinyoung the second.

  
“You sound so fake again.” Jinyoung sighed through the phone before giving a laugh. One that made Mark forget that Jinyoung was enganged now. Jinyoung is going to completely live his life with another man.

  
“I called because of a heads up! I can’t go home tomorrow. Give me a week, hyung. Jaebum and I are going to settle there so we still have stuff to take care of.” Jinyoung babbled like it’s just simple as that to break of a promise. Mark just wants to scream that ‘Hey Jinyoung. Get your ass here because I’m fucking dying.’ But what came out was a pathetic whimper of “But you promised it’s 2 months.”

  
Mark was clearly hugging his knees by now, too tired to cry over the situation and he feels as if he’s a kid who fell and got wounded up. Well for the record, Mark did fell, but it wasn’t on the ground, it was to a beautiful human named Park Jinyoung and he’s desperately trying to stop the heavy clenching of his broken heart.

  
“I’m really sorry hyung. I’ll make it up to you once I get there. I gotta hang up now, Jaebum’s coming. Take care hyung, don’t die.”

  
Ironic how Jinyoung could still joke like that even if Mark was indeed dying. Once the line goes dead though, Mark could only whisper a “Please hurry home, I need you.”

_July 20, 2017_

  
He was tired. Both physically and emotionally. He’s drained. He’s tired of waiting for Jinyoung, Park Jinyoung and that Jinyoung who’s suppose to be home since a few weeks ago. He’s fucking tired of waiting, so when he got a call. He was tired of wishing that it was Jinyoung so he picked up and just by hearing the voice on the other line, Mark was quick to sit up because it was finally him. Jinyoung.

  
“Hyung! Come over! I’ll text you the address alright?” That was what Jinyoung said, fucking great, really, not even a hello or I missed you, how pathetic.

  
So he just exactly followed him like he’s Jinyoung’s avatar. Grabbing his own car keys and phone, ruffling his messy hair as he drove off to the given address.

What place he arrived in was the least he expected. It was close to luxurios. Big enough for 5 people. Modern-styled and it was oh so beautiful.

  
“Hey, you must be Mark. I’m Jaebum. Jinyoung’s fiancé.” Jaebum gave Mark the smile and Mark knew he lost the game.

  
“Uh, yeah, hey Jaebum. We’re co-workers, dude.”

  
“Right. You just changed a lot though.” Jaebum nudged him by the elbow and once Jinyoung greeted both of them with a hug, Mark let himself melt into his best friend’s arm.

  
That night was inevitable though. He also now understood why Jinyoung fell in love with Jaebum. Jaebum was humorous, the perfect husband material. That one guy who takes care of you so much you can do nothing for your everyday living and it was so wrong for Mark to sit on the opposite side, as if the fate has been mocking him for being a coward for not confessing to Jinyoung beforehand.

  
“Guys. I have to go.” Mark announced, standing up as he grabbed his coat. “I’ll drive you home, Mark.” Jinyoung announced, lifting his head from Jaebum’s lap. “No! You don’t have to. I can go by my own.” Mark muttered, giving a half-hearted smile. “Oh come on, stop being stubborn for once.” With that’s it’s decided. Jinyoung’s driving him home.

  
Once they reach Mark’s car though, Jinyoung got to the driver’s sit first before can protest and Mark could just chuckle, shaking his head in amusement. Everything was back to normal, the comfortable silence between them, the way the night lights blared at Mark’s eyes, it was all the same. So when Jinyoung drove to the different direction of Mark’s apartment, Mark could only widen his eyes as if to ask where they’re heading to.

  
“I told you, I’m gonna make it up for you, didn’t I?” Jinyoung chuckled, ruffling Mark’s hair in the process. Mark could only smile though because thankfully, Jinyoung did remember.

  
“So where are we going, sir?” Mark asked, a wide grin etched on his face.

  
“Leave it to me.” Jinyoung’s eyes glint with mischief as they drove off to their first destination.

  
People passing by them, could really tell they’re a couple but only if they know, they’re not allowed to cross the boundaries of just being best friends. The way their hands are connected as if vowing like what lovers do.

  
They found themselves stopping by at a jewelry store, though. Mark was making excuses to buy both of them necklaces, and Jinyoung was a fool to believe that. Truth be told, Mark was buying a ring, a goddamn ring which worth more than his life, probably. After that, with a wide smile, he approached Jinyoung.

  
“Hey Jinyoung. Thanks for taking me out tonight though.” Mark sheepishly smiled at him and Jinyoung found his hyung adorable, as if he’s a kid Jinyoung could keep in his arms.

  
“So. You wanna head home now?” Jinyoung asked, raising an eyebrow.

  
“Oh no! Please no!” Mark pleaded, freaked out for a while before he realized how stupid he looked like. Jinyoung’s reaction was just as shocked as his though, at Mark’s sudden outburst.

  
“I mean. Just one more favor. Can you take us to that place. You know, where there was a river bank. The stars visible and all.” Mark took his time explaining to Jinyoung before it was all decided with a nod.

  
It was the same, it feels like it’s just 2 months ago. As soon as they arrived, Mark wanted to be happy, Mark wanted to pretend this shouldn’t be the last meeting he could have with Jinyoung and he’s getting the most of it.  
“Jinyoung! Come here.” Mark said, calling his friend over while he’s currently leaning onto the railing of the river bank. Jinyoung could only chuckle at his hyung’s childish antics though. His chuckle died down though, when Mark carelessly grasped his hand, holding on it tightly. Mark’s head was bowed down.

  
“Hyung, are you okay?”

  
“Promise me you’re going to give me what I want.” Mark said, and Jinyoung noticed the crack in his hyung’s voice.

  
“Hyung, what’s wro-?” He was cut off as soon as Mark tilted his head up, eyes filled with unshed tears. The moon light reflecting onto his eyes and Jinyoung, for once, knew that there was something wrong.

  
“Damn it, Jinyoung. I’m dying. I’m fucking dying.” Mark sobbed, with a mixture of pained laughter in every word he says.

  
“Hyung is this a joke? What the fuck?” Jinyoung was dumbfounded, and his anger was crawling up dangerously fast.

  
“Face me and fucking tell me if I’m joking.” He looked into Jinyoung’s eyes and all Jinyoung wanted to do was to close his eyes and pretend that everything was just a dream.

  
“That was why I fucking told you to come back in exactly 2 months because guess what? The doctor told me, I barely have 3 months to live. Fucking 3 months, Jinyoung. You hear me?” Mark was hissing at him, trying not to scream in anger, frustration, sadness, desperation and trying not to break his broken heart even further.

  
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

  
“Because I don’t want to burden you, let alone worry you even though you should be worrying over your fiancé.” Mark spits venom now, fists clenched tightly on his sides.

  
Before Jinyoung can even retort back with his words, he was stopped abruptly by a smaller figure desperately hugging him. Silent sobs wrecking through his body.

  
“So I’m begging you. All I ask is for you to hold me like I’m not just your best friend, like I’m your lover, like I’m your everything. I badly want to feel it, Jinyoung. Fucking please.” Mark was pleading, tears rolling down his pale cheeks.  
Jinyoung on the other hand, found himself embracing the smaller in his arms, desperately trying to calm him down because he can’t fucking take this.

  
“Feed me with your lies. Feed me with ‘I love yous’ that you’ll never mean.” Mark sobbed.

  
“Mark, I love you. What are you saying?” Jinyoung whispered.

  
“Not the way I want you to.” Mark whispered back. “Jinyoung, I love you. I fucking love you. Hold me.” It was a command and all Jinyoung could do was to hold onto the sobbing mess in his arms, as if Mark was too fragile.

  
“Mark. I love you, you’re my everything. Stop crying. I’ll always be here.” So Jinyoung has to do it. Feed him with lies. Feed him with what Mark wanted and Mark made his foolish heart to believe this.

  
“Thank you, Jinyoung. Thank you.” Mark whispered, clutching onto Jinyoung’s shirt.

 

So when it was time to drop Mark back to his apartment. They pretended as if they were a couple. Saying constant fake ‘I love yous’. The only difference is the other one means it and the other has to pretend. So Jinyoung didn’t question himself when he found another ring on his finger. Because he knows, Mark bought it at the jewelry store, to give it to him, just for a fake marriage proposal but Jinyoung still treasured it though.

 

 

 

 

When the very next day Jinyoung receives a call from Mark. He was similar to a light, answering it in his fastest speed only to be greeted with Mark’s mother’s voice.

 

 

  
_“Jinyoung. He’s gone.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sincerely sorry for the cliffhanger and the mess. Here are the tissues if you needed some.


End file.
